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[24 Jun 2008|07:15pm]
Alcohol and Honesty.
Oh what a great mix.
That said in the most sarcastic way.
I said somethings to Evan that I shouldn't have and I'm pretty sure he hates me.
Why though? Is it the fact that I embarrassed him or the fact that he knows I'm right?
So I tried to make it better, I apologized and even said I was joking but he's putting up a fight.
Retaliating by calling me a "bitch" and now ignoring me.
The silent treatment, I'd rather go through chemo!
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[28 Apr 2007|07:53pm]
Oh god. It's been a long time since I have written in here. Or have spoken to any of you.
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[09 Feb 2007|03:04pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

728 days later and it comes back again.
729 days later and im very aware again.
730 days later and the blames all on me.

You could never understand my posture.
Not feeblish but far from stepping farther.

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many mishaps and mistakes later... [03 Oct 2006|01:42pm]
[ mood | regret ]

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[22 Sep 2006|01:32pm]
There's not much I can do about this. So, I guess it's time for a new chapter. If that book is really truthful, I don't have to worry right now. Next ending summer is what I look foward too. Not this year. This year is just a time to reflect and get over things. This summer was false. It was just a cheap excuse to move on. Actually this whole year was. I lied. Oh well. Get over it. I don't care. I have more important things to worry about. I learned. Causing me to grow. Someday that is what you face. This year is flying. Almost December. Do I look foward to your departure? Yeah. Now that she has entered your life. Oh well. I'll get over it. You just need to leave. I'll remain.

I need to catch a shower. Soon.
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cruise control living [03 Sep 2006|11:34pm]
It isn't the truth, but I'd like to believe so.
You're leaving again, but further from me.
Why don't you tell me?
It's not like you care.
Maybe being guilt free, is what you need.
I need to do something drastic.
To show her that you are mine.
And if you leave, I desperately want to follow.
I don't know who's suffering.
I, now.
Or You, soon?
My mind has painted a mural of history. That house still. We lyed out front. You LIED out front. But still. It was beautiful. We watched a friend fall behind the farm. That road is still dirt, and i hope it won't change.
I awoke yesterday morning, with no reaction.
I've been reluctant to what it has given me.
A little startled, and a bit ironic.
Possibly something I needed to view in perception.
I wished while it was shooting, and hope as it has been shot.
Now, im easily walking.
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Faith can't tunnel too far [19 Aug 2006|02:07am]
You don't even know me, nor I you.
What makes me think you can determine my fate?
You can't read life off of cards or stare at stars
and determine twelve signs and billions of people, by looking at the sky?
You are not God.
You are a being.
And i've believed in you far too long.
And speak to you as if I know you.
I don't, obviously.

My eyes won't seem to clear up.

Everyone plays the lead role in life.
No one is greater or lesser.
We all think we are going to accomplish something great.
"Or maybe 'God' is watching us, and seeing how brilliant I am, though,
I have someone who looks, or thinks, or speaks, exactly like me somewhere
else in this world. But I don't know that, however, I would like to believe
I am the only one. I am special, because I am ME."
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[13 Aug 2006|07:11pm]
My eyes are weary.
My head is aching.
School starts tomorrow.
The beginning of another possible shitty year.
Not possible, definate.

I'm hungry.
And i've been in my room all day.
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[13 Aug 2006|04:41am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

I want to just pass out.

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[03 Aug 2006|12:36pm]
You can never understand the motion of a hand waving goodbye.
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[18 Jun 2006|02:15am]
Other than the fact that I practically live at my job rather than my own house, i think im doing fine.

Straylight Run makes me think of him
And him of me.
Whether we admit it or not,
we pollute each other's minds.
Can I help it though?

Everything has been clear,
except for some ocasionally cloudyness.
But still, clear.

She hates me though.
Why should I care?
I never can keep a friend anyway, right?


Except one friend.
Who's been the absolute best so far. :[

I still love her to death though.

And I another friend....

i guess i still have a few close ones left...
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[15 Jun 2006|03:53am]
i'm a timebomb.
how many times has that been used before?
i don't know, but that's what i feel like.
i'm going to go 'off' soon.

everything is changing again.
or maybe going back to the way they were.
hopefully back,
because im sick of following some sort of pack
into the lands of 'change'
or whatever, you want to call it.

i'm kind of sick
everything is moving so fast
and i've been sitting in the same area,
moving every other day, but slowly.

i want new clothes.
i just have to wait for my next paycheck.
i also want a new personality, face, body,
mind. Everything. But I can't purchase those
items anywhere.

i could fake them and hate myself though.
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[18 May 2006|11:42pm]
all the negativity I have expressed before, have came to a halt.
For the moment? At least, unless my billowing arm gestures,
wield onto the this stream of golden happiness that is flooding my very existence.
So graceful. mesmerizing. I can't help but soak in this view.

now i lay here,
without any sort of clothing interrupting my breathing.


We shouldn't be limited on any type of breathing.

Fuck. I can't even describe this feeling. It's too much of a beautiful thing.
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[16 May 2006|12:09am]
Alright. Before I put my mind on pause,
The history books have failed us again.
They forgot to inform us that Latin and Love are
hand in hand when it comes to dead languages.
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[11 May 2006|11:36pm]
This is all starting to get unbearable. I just open that sooner or later this will all turn around for the best. Im tired of getting that feeling in your chest, where it feels like someone is clencing on it with the greatest force. And any sort of problem adds to that clenching. So what should I do? It's all useless now. But I have no words for this. And I certaintly can not forget about what I have a great hunger for. But I don't want to be limited in thinking; positivity. Yet I can't be limited to the thoughts of a complete failure. So, here is where I started. Skeptical about what I should be feeling. Maybe I'm being childish and the fables that have polluted our artificial minds with thinking that the happiest and joyful endings can actually occur in any sort of circumstance. And Here is where I should start apologizing for the nonsense i keep expelling. I'm full of dreams that are ready to play and im not making any sort of sense. But then, I guess I can admit that I never do.

I lost all the understanding I used to share with you!!!
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[29 Apr 2006|10:34pm]
im experiencing some drainage and heavy eyelids.
i think things are just walking along a smooth path.
watch this fuck over soon. nice. damn.
i guess i can be a little mean on my part.
but i really have no desire to keep a conversation alive with some people.
i'm so glad i am over with myspace.
my life feels enclosed behind gates, and i feel like im regaining privacy.
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[26 Apr 2006|12:33am]
my body is really warm.
probably because the summer is approaching.
I despise the local weather.
Especially summer in Florida.
It does nothing but make your skin soak.
And make your thoughts clammy.
But im tired of sounding helpless and sorry.
So for once in my life im going to be far ahead of you
in this short-sighted race. And though im really not sure where we will
be interrupted. Wherever that is I hope you realize how
sickening but vital your actions are. I hope I am this repetitive
motion you make.
Honestly, I hope you will be introduced to grieveing.

"I think the truth.
All of your actions are quite obvious.
You're not real at all.
You've adopted someone else's traits, because you're far from who you were at one point."
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[23 Apr 2006|01:34am]
it's really exasperating, knowing that 62 miles away from his posture
and he's still obscurley present. The trail, the view, the memoir.
what a lovely fragance, what a painful eye(s).
I don't even think anyone with a mind can capture this thought.
Or anything im babbling.

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[17 Apr 2006|11:58pm]
[ mood | content ]

At the moment a wrecking ball couldn't push right through me.
I'm the highest skyscraper ripping through this still spring sky.
I'm the calmest day on the calender.
And I don't need to write more than this,
because it feels like I've found a home.
But now I marked it off after I lost sight beyond that scenery.

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i'll name you after this feeling that ive never felt before [15 Apr 2006|01:28am]
im naseaus
my stomachs full of apprehension
my eyes cant see over that sun set
im writing more than i can take in
im swallowing every single feeling you regurigitate
im distgusting and shallow
like the banks of a river
that has no feeling, every single wave makes
us long for a swim

sick off nature, sick off feelings
my arms can't feel what i've ever felt before
it's just a fake feeling that i couldn't even explain
im just fake, a fake, and everything ive felt is staged

ive laid in your arms like i laid in the grass
and i watched the clouds run by like every single fight
we've battled, with our sharp weapons, killing off the lead
you've regretted the scenery you've visited, sick of what you've tasted
you've tried all this medicine to erase what you've felt
even those couldn't cure you
they've left you in anger and hatred
my body continues to feel numb, and every numbing feeling just continues to let myself pour out gallons of feelings that shouldn't exist
i shouldn't exist
these are just feelings that i keep drawing on this sheet of paper
they're pastels, and pencils that i keep stealing from your jar of the desk in that classroom that you used to see everyday as a child
but you're growing with every passing number, every circular motion around that track
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